March 9, 2017
We were watching TV and there was a commercial for the network series The Bachelorette. The ad featured three girls, three Bachelorettes. Girl One said, "I love horses." (video of girl with hair blowing in wind, saddled on a gorgeous animal). Girl Two said, "I rescue animals and I rehabilitate Rottweilers." (Footage of tender treatment of big dog's wounds) Then Girl Three said, "I haven't had an orgasm in my life." (Footage of her from the waist up, simply standing there in a suburban back yard).
Wait a minute. Run the DVR backwards a bit. She actually said, "I haven't had an orgasm in my life." I could almost hear the stampede of men. It was going in two directions: half the men were running away from this girl, they were terrified by the pressure. And half of them (the cocky douchebag half) were running towards the girl. Each of the latter bachelors was sure he could open the floodgates of orgasm for this attractive cherry-picked TV crash- test dummy.
I turned to my partner and said, "I guess honesty is the New Honesty." I considered for a moment, then amended my perception. "Or is it honesty is the new Authenticity? Or maybe Authenticity is the new Honesty? Something like that."
My partner, Fox, is accustomed to my sense of the ironic and the absurd. She knew I was reaching, perhaps over-reaching into sheer nonsense. Still, I'll let it stand..
I am aware that there is a wide spread hunger for experience that can be perceived as Authentic. Why? Do people feel that they are synthetic beings, that they're so coddled and softened by living in this affluent civilization that they've lost an essential component of human experience? Do people feel unreal? I think so. That's why there's such an appetite for TV shows about people living off the grid in Alaska, or marooning themselves, naked and afraid, courting utter misery for the sake of "testing their limits". We are the species that has come from competing with hyenas for fresh kills to the species that is sending spacecraft to other galaxies. We've done this in a breathtakingly short span of time. In achieving this magnificent push, upward and outward, some people have been left behind in their sense of self-worth. They don't feel brave, tough, worthy. They've lost their warrior spirit. And they feel this emptiness every time they go shopping at Target or Walmart, every time they exploit the incredible ease of getting the groceries and the hair gel.
"Girl-without-orgasm" was simply following the cultural norm as it excavates this new authentic territory, this candid self-disclosure that, to her, wasn't even embarrassing. She was just letting the world know: she's in search of an orgasm. She needs a partner who can help her master new skills in erotic communication. She needs a soft slow hand from a tender buddy to help her over the hump.
I was embarrassed for her. No doubt it will make good television for those that are into that sort of thing. I cringed. What naivete! How many years will this stuff follow her around? She'll be "no-cum" to her grandchildren. It's out of my hands. I won't be watching the show.