Revolutionary Baldness Solutions For Men!

           Men, there are millions of you who share a common experience: it is that shocking moment when you face the fact that you are going bald.  The moment comes in many ways. You may be deep in concentration.  Your fingers go unconsciously to the crown of your head.  It’s a comforting gesture. It may express anxiety. You may feel that your head is about to explode.  Your hand goes topside, you expect to bury your fingers in thick luxuriant hair.

           There’s a moment of shock!  Where did the hair go? Your hand remembers hair.  What is this sudden wispy sensation, why are your fingers touching areas of bare skin?  It seems like only yesterday this was a head covered in hirsute glory.  How did this happen?  

            What can you do?  You’re an evolved male.  You can’t succumb to shallow vanity and get a weave, a plant, a rug, a little garden of plugs.  You must see it through!  Go bald!  Let no one think you’re such a pathetic loser that you need hair to feel virile and desirable.

            Men, I have good news.  At Bald-Tech Solutions we have answers to your problems.  Your angst will be soothed by the use of a combination of the MIRROR TOUPEE and the HAIR GLOVE.  With these two devices you can go bald peacefully and never experience the shock that accompanies an unpleasant but perfectly natural phenomenon.  With a little practice you can place the MIRROR TOUPEE in anticipation of any reflection needs.  Use it while shaving, at work or in the privacy of your girlfriend’s bathroom. 

            When you have mastered the MIRROR TOUPEE, the HAIR GLOVE will comfort you during years of progressing baldness. When you go for that unconscious gesture during concentration or worry, the HAIR GLOVE will be there to simulate the sensation of luxurious thick male tresses. With its patented miniature conveyor belt and titanium micro-bearings, the HAIR GLOVE feels just like the real thing!  Place it on your hand before work or when anticipating an argument with your spouse or lover.  The HAIR GLOVE feels like a full head of hair!  Use it anytime!  It comes in a buff-colored pouch conveniently sized to fit in your pocket.  It is made of only the most advanced space age materials to guarantee longevity.  You might even pass it on to your son, or grandson!

            Batteries not included.  Warranty void if competing products are used.  To order your MIRROR TOUPEE and HAIR GLOVE call 1-800-556-6655.  Visa, MasterCard, HomeLoan Lien, AutoDebit, VersaRipoff, Mystery Interest PickPocket Card honored except in the states of Nevada and the territory of Guam.

Coming soon! Bald-Tech Solutions For Women!

Going Bald For Judaism

Reports from the battle front are streaming in.  The Ambassador to my Forehead says that another six hundred forty four hair follicles died this morning in premeditated hormone attacks.  By some strange coincidence this number is exactly the number of Talmudic laws that an Orthodox Jew is required to observe in order to achieve complete righteousoness.  There are, however, another fifteen thousand three hundred seventy laws scattered throughout the Mishna and Talmud that a good Jew must obey to have his name inscribed in the Book of Judgment.  It should take me about year or so to achieve the death of that many hair follicles. 

I will make a bargain with God:  I will trade every dead hair follicle for one obscure Talmudic law.  Each moribund follicle will equal the observation of one recondite Jewish commandment.  Therefore, my incipient baldness will equate with total salvation.  This salvation will require no moral efforts, no eating of Kosher food, no prayer before tying my shoes or blowing my nose , no ruthless self evaluation, no de-cluttering of my apartment, no financial and fiscal awareness, no meditation, no long sweaty hikes uphill, nothing else will be required of me for the rest of my life other than going quite bald. 
Seems fair enough to me.