This is my super-secret mantra and tantric yoga procedure for curing negative thinking. Step one,
take your left hand and put it to your forehead with the palm facing outward. Tilt your head slightly to the
left. Make it look dramatic. Now, in your most self-pitying voice, cry out, "Oy Veyzmir! Oy Veyzmir!"
(For the goyim: It's simple. Oy vay z'meer). The cry must begin on a mid-tone note and rise half
an octave higher with a strong accent on the final syllable. You MUST repeat this procedure at least eight times, closing your eyes half way and letting your body droop. Don't worry about getting the notes right, so long as you sound sufficiently self-pitying. If you fail to reach eight repetitions I am
not responsible for potent side effects such as warts and a pungent odor of gefilte fish rising from your body.