Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Compassion Found Dead In Senate

Reuters, AP

            Compassion was found dead on the floor of the Senate early this morning.  An employee of the Capitol’s maintenance staff, Dizzy Tilton, found the body as he was sweeping debris down the center aisle.
          “I seen it comin’ for a long time.  It wasn't no shock." said Mr. Tilton, who has worked in the Senate for thirty seven years.  
            The body of Compassion, best known for such hits as “Wake Up Before It’s Too Late,” and “I Seen the Devil And It’s You,” was sprawled across a large number of  seats in the Senate. An anonymous source in law enforcement told this reporter that as many as fifty knives were used in the killing.  The FBI and the Secret Service say they have no suspects at this time, but a thorough investigation will be mounted as soon as a committee is formed to decide who will lead the inquiry.
            “There’s plenty of evidence”, said Special Agent Dawn Zerle-Light, “There are fingerprints on top of fingerprints.  Seems like everybody wanted Compassion out of the way.  The timing is suspicious, I must say.  Only last week, Wisdom was blown to pieces in the House.  Officials in Congress are trying to pin the crime on lobbyists. Of course the investigation won’t start until the end of the current filibuster.”