Monday, March 14, 2011

Guru School

Are you good looking?  Would you like a future in the Guru profession?  The School for Good Looking Gurus,  in Big Sur, California, is offering a fresh curriculum for those interested in becoming Meditation Teachers, Yoga Masters, Life Coaches, Insight Specialists, Psychodynamic Facilitators and Creativity Trainers.  Learn such skills as Growing a White Beard (for male gurus) or Wearing Colorful Mumus (for female gurus).  Our course on How to Attract a Following is beyond price for those lacking charisma.  And you must read our booklet on the Guru Lexicon, where you can master such phrases as "Poverty is a Curse" and "Isn't it Amazing that Karma Brought us All Together Tonight?" 

You can learn to throw your voice, improve your diction, or, when needed, garble your diction.  Our lessons help you master the Hypnotic Stare, the Crinkly Eyes, the Infectious Giggle.  This fall, we offer a special course on Guru Humor, taught by renowned funny man, Swami Gigglananda, who will lecture on "The Common Touch:  Sharing Zany Stories From Your Past". If you are sufficiently good looking, you may qualify for a scholarship.  If you are not sufficiently good looking, you may still qualify for the special exemption in the Homely Guru Division of our distinguished school.  We have many success stories of aspiring gurus who turned their obesity, bad teeth and lack of personal hygiene into compelling credentials for taking on the responsibility of spiritual teaching.

Send for our application now. All Credit Cards Honored
Come Visit our Vintage Car Museum

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